Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Let's dance

If you ever pass me in my minivan and see me breaking down a beat don't be surprised. I get my groove on quite often while dropping off, picking up, or running errands. It is one of the rare times in my day that I feel somewhat alone and can focus. My best worship is usually in my car. I feel free to raise my hands, cry, clap, and I can turn up the volume and drown myself out whenever I want to. Recently, our family went through the Frozen phase. We listened to the soundtrack until Ryan and I could do parts and he was singing it in the shower. I am not proud of this nor was I proud of the day that the kind gentleman laughed and beeped at me as I performed "Fixer Upper" while stopped at a stoplight. The best part is that I really wasn't embarrassed. I rolled down my window and cranked up the volume so his morning could start out as encouraging as mine was. I mean really"everyone is a bit of a fixer-upper".

I was thinking of this today when I took Garrett to wash his hands. He had been playing outside and he wanted some ice cream but I asked him to wash up first. My sister, Emily, came in to assist and was surprised at the process. The water needed to be hot but then it was too hot so we switched to cold. The soap needed squirted on both hands. He wanted a paper towel not a hand towel to dry but when he couldn't find one fast enough he opted for toilet paper. Of course that was slightly disastrous and then even the throwing away of the toilet paper was extravagant.

A similar thing happened with our uncle Dan the other day. He offered Garrett a cookie. Now, at the time that this exchange took place G was in a pickle anyway but the cookie worked to distract him from his stress and he accepted it. It was a Panera cookie which was big enough to have its own address, so Dan broke it in half. As soon as he did that I was hoping that he had another one. The broken cookie was obviously not acceptable to G, who by now was on the brink of a meltdown. Now this was not a normal five year old fit. Garrett sees things different. He was offered a cookie, not half a cookie, and he was already feeling over stimulated and struggling to adapt, so he could not take even this minor change. Thankfully, uncle Dan gave him a new one but he was in awe of the particulars of my little man. I explained it to him like this, Garrett's life is like a very intricate dance. I never know the exact next step but I have become pretty good at anticipating it. There are certain people, certain circumstances that I prep him for in advance. There are other instances where the surprise tactic is better. It may be a wrong fork or turning a new age (his favorite number is four so he refuses to be five). It may be a broken cookie or chocolate frosted donut with shamrock sprinkles (we are mourning the passing the St. Patrick's Day). I dance the dance and, though I often stumble, I keep going and enjoy it as much as I can.

I really believe that we all dance through life. We all have our special things or certain steps that we like a certain way. I find that for me a morning bath and quiet time always starts my day better than any other option and worship is best in the car. Ryan likes a big bowl of cereal before bed and communicates best with his guitar in hand. Parker likes to hear a special lullaby before bed while I hold his hand. Carter wants his back, shudders, and right arm scratched often. We all dance, we just don't see it as such unless it is more extreme. I think it is how God made us to be. It keeps us from being boring and adds wonderful spice to our relationships. He knows the hairs on our heads and He knows every step of our dance. How awesome is that?!

I, personally, love dancing. I am not great at it in the literal sense but, in the case of my boys, I am a professional. I can anticipate and react better than any other and even, sometimes,  enjoy the uniqueness of each move. It has taken time and patience and prayer but I feel like I can usually find the beat of even Garrett. Yes, his dance is definitely more intricate but I am blessed to be one of his partners. Maybe God gave me an especially complex dancer because He knew of my love to groove.

The moral of the story is really this, if you see me in my car breaking down to a beat, don't be surprised or embarrassed. Heck, roll your windows down, crank your volume up and join me. Let's all just enjoy the dance that God gave us, even the more complex ones.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Achievements

This week Garrett had his last day at his little preschool named Achievements. It is a small private school specially designed for kids with delays or autism. It was a wonderful place where G made his first friends on his own and learned so many skills. It was the first time I dropped him off somewhere for more than just an hour or so. He took his first cold lunch complete with yoo-hoo and carrots. It became one of my greatest resources and a place I will always treasure as an answer to this mom's prayers.The ironic thing is that this month also marks one year since Garrett received his ASD diagnosis. That was not an enjoyable eval to say the least. It was the first time I ever witnessed hand flapping from Garrett and the entire time he only spoke baby talk. Ryan and I looked and felt like we needed evals after those three hours. When the nice woman went over the preliminary results I remember feeling lost and overwhelmed but not hopeless. Never hopeless. I remember driving home with tears and prayers and trusting for direction and victory.

In the past year, we have had so many victories. Garrett has achieved things that felt impossible at the time.  He has conquered more that we thought possible. He can carry on a conversation better, say his name, address, phone number, birthday, and so much more. He can make friends and deal with his frustrations better. He knows how to answer questions and can even read sight words. He knows when he needs bear hugged and how to find an appropriate chewy. He holds his attention better and makes right choices most of the time. His year has been full of walls he had to break through and giants he had to defeat and somehow he has done just that.

I was reflecting on this in my quiet time as I read about the Israelites preparing to go into the Promised Land for the second time. Isn't it funny that they spent 40 years wandering around in the dessert because of some reports of giants and tall walls? Isn't it funny that we do the same? I have had times when I have let the reports scare me and defeat me. I have failed to trust and wandered around looking for direction when all I needed to do was trust and obey. If the Israelites had done this, trusted and obeyed, the entire Bible would be entirely different.

Last year, I feel like I refused to wander. I saw the giants and knew how hard the walls would be to break down but I also knew Who was on my side. I was ready with a grateful heart to face whatever was coming because I had been to battle before and He had always been faithful. This morning I read Deuteronomy 3:21-22 and 4:9. They basically say to remember, to never forget, what God has done for us. My version actually says, "Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live".  The harsh reality is that even as we achieve one milestone there will always be another waiting for us. Sometimes as we move forward we see things in the future that scare us more than what was behind us. That is why it is so important to remember and never forget. God has shown himself able to defeat hard times, tough diagnosis, conflicts, and struggles over and over in my life and I am certain He will continue to... I want to always remember.

A year ago we had reports of giants and strong walls and today we have a little boy getting ready to start kindergarten next year. I expect we will see more obstacles in our future but I look forward to them. God promised the Israelites a land flowing with milk and honey and I know that He has awesome things in store for Garrett as well. We will continue toward our promised land with hope and trust.




Thursday, May 8, 2014

"Kind words are sweet like honey"

I have several little quotes I use frequently with my kids in disciplining and directing such as "kind words are sweet like honey", "only use words that build up and not ones that tear down"," remember your joy", and, on occassion when I am being a mean mom you will hear me say "she's a cold hearted snake". These are just a few of the Moffa mantras we have and this week the kind words have been a struggle. I noticed that I found myself repeating this all too frequently and, unfortunately, not just to my kids but also to myself.

My real warning that I needed some help with this area came when I spoke harshly to my mom. We were watching my boys little league game, which doesn't bring out the best in me, and my mom was doing what moms do and correcting me. Now, I know that I am an adult and should be able to handle myself, but my mom is one of those high quality, long term moms. My parents are my spiritual mentors and my mom is one of closest confidantes. I can talk to her about anything and I always know that I will receive godly and honest wisdom. She is always supportive but also knows when I need a reality dose and brought back down off my horse. I mean who better to knock you out of your saddle than your mom, right? Well, this particular evening I needed a dose of motherly discipline and when my mom corrected me, I snapped back. The big clicker is that when I realized that I needed to apologize....I didn't.

I was struggling to practice what I preach.  Not only was I not using kind words but I tore down someone I love out of anger and frustration. I started soul searching and quickly found that this was a problem in more area than one. I do it to my husband and my kids and when I whine, complain, or envy, I am doing it to God. It is so easy to say something unkind. We think and then we speak it, no filter required. I tell my kids all the time that the reflection of our hearts is seen in our words and actions. What condition is my heart when my tongue lashes out?

I came up with a heart transplant of sorts. I am focusing on sweetening not slaying. I am putting more effort in my words, thinking through them. I am attempting to take notice of all the lovely "sugar" that God has poured on my life, how He has generously sprinkled people and things to bless me and I am thanking Him for it. I am believing and living like I can be honey to my little world. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Kind words are sweet like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the body". That is both powerful and inspiring. Just by sweetening instead of slaying with my tongue I can help God bring about healing. This sounds like something worth working for.

Lastly, my husband Ryan actually does love honey. Sometimes I will walk into our kitchen only to find him standing with the pantry door open and a honey bottle in his hand, squeezing into his open waiting mouth. A lot of honey, a lot of love, a lot of God's goodness. What could ever be wrong with that?