With April approaching, and since it is Autism Awareness month, I have been considering exactly what that means to me. As a mom, as a caretaker and lover of someone who now bears this diagnosis, what awareness would I like to share? I can't help but look at it from a different perspective because I am all too aware of what autism is. My takeaway from this reflection is that I want to share with you all some things about autism, and living in and with i,t that I want our world to be aware of.
For instance, please be aware that G is autistic, he will stim when he is excited. Be aware that he will sometimes script a commercial slogan like, "We have the meat" at a completely inappropriate time. Be aware that you have to find his eyes and connect on a deeper level if you really want him to hear you. Be aware that he loves to jump and play rough and that it has a way of meeting sensory needs that if left unmet will cause him to disconnect a bit. Be aware that he may need a bear hug but, may not always remember to hug back. Be aware that he may need to be reminded to use his words when he is struggling to express himself. Be aware that we worked hard for every word he speaks and every question he answers, so be patient while he does that. Be aware that in his world shirt and shoes are optional. Be aware that he does not like unexpected loud sounds and, yet, he often talks too loud. Be aware that he is slightly obsessed with fire alarms but that he knows not to pull one ever again. Be aware that he loves chocolate and that he seems to not be fond of the number 5. Be aware that to him it is still 2014 because change is hard for him. Be aware that he enjoys hot cakes from McDonalds on Sunday mornings and that a glass of root beer brings him great joy. Be aware that he can very literal or very sarcastic but he couldn't tell you the difference between the two. Be aware that he doesn't always understand and so rephrasing or repeating may be necessary. Be aware that he makes us laugh every day but, please, laugh with him and not at him. Be aware that he twirls his hair, and sometimes mine, and sometimes yours. Be aware that he hates band-aids but loves numbers and letters and anything that goes on a track. Be aware that he has a shorter fuse but that we are always working on it.Be aware that he does not like to be touched and he will react accordingly. Be aware that he loves to hang upside down and spin until he is dizzy. Be aware that every situation may feel overwhelming to him, from wal-mart, to church, to playgrounds but that he can do anything and everything if he has the right support around him. Be aware that he wants and needs friends, just like the rest of us, but that it may be much more difficult for him to make them. Be aware that for every way he is not typical, he is just like everyone else. He wants to play T-ball, he loves music and dancing and his favorite cartoons. Be aware that he is funny and he is loud and he is unique and he is perfect.
Be aware that his brothers love him even though they understand that he is different. Be aware that they have sat through hours of therapy and evaluations in waiting rooms. Be aware that they were as excited as me when Garrett said his first "yes". Be aware that they may understand autism and its effects better than you and me. Be aware that they have had make exceptions because of autism that have been hard at times. Be aware that he will sometimes embarrass them and that they will feel the need to explain things that may seem over their heads. Be aware that they didn't just gain a brother on the day that Garrett was born, but they gained the best lessons in compassion, kindness, and patience that I could ever have hoped to give them. Be aware that they will defend and protect him even when he is frustrating them, but, also, be aware that they can be very frustrated by him. Be aware that they will let him snuggle in bed with them, they will play cars and legos with him, and they will read him books, and they will not even notice how he is hand-flapping while they are doing it. Be aware that they will forever have his back and hold his hand and be his very best friends, regardless of any differences.
Be aware that what caused or did not cause autism is not what I dwell on. Be aware that I was afraid of the diagnosis even though I loved him from before he was born. Be aware that we count our joy days and celebrate even the tiniest victories. Be aware that to reach Garrett, you may have to dig deeper and try harder but that it will be worth every effort. Be aware that he sees and hears and experiences life more intensely than we can ever understand. Be aware that he loves and he hates and he hurts just like everyone else but that he may express himself differently. Be aware that he has potential that you may not see, but that I look forward to unlocking. Be aware that he knows fear and he faces it everyday with courage that I am sure can only come from above. Be aware that he doesn't deserve to be bullied or treated poorly just because you may not understand him. Be aware that there will be moments when all you will see is his diagnosis unless you seek his heart. Be aware that he is my child and that he carries my love wherever he goes. Be aware that he is known, loved, and was formed with a great purpose in mind. Be aware that I would never change his autism even though it is one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced and a burden he may struggle with his whole life. Be aware that he has more to teach you than what you could ever hope to teach him. Be aware that listening to, caring for, loving an autistic child will make you stronger and braver and greater because that is what they are. Be aware not just during Autism Awareness month but everyday of every month. Be aware for Garrett and for everyone and anyone in our world that may be different than you and me. Be aware because it what God has called us to be. Awareness of others, autistic or not, is what helps us to love and to accept and to live as we have been called to, so may we always be aware.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
The "Haves and the Have Nots"
If you live at my house and I catch you whining too much, you can expect a consequence. I won't send you to time out or anything like that though. I will ask you to list of some things that you are grateful for. If you hesitate, I add more. I will also employ this method if you are fighting with your brother, the only difference being that you will have to list things that you love about your sibling. It may seem like a strange way to teach a child not to whine but, really, gratitude and attitude are closely related. If you have one, the other will improve.
Recently, I have been using this discipline on myself. Call it seasonal, or lack of routine, or whatever you want, but my Garrett is having a difficult little stent lately. There have been several episodes that have caused me to cringe and cry and feel defeated but I can't live and love him from there, so I make myself be grateful. I call them the "haves and the have nots". In my head and my heart, I usually begin by acknowledging what I don't have. The "have nots" could include uninterrupted sleep, always appropriately behaved children, a predictable behavior pattern, consistency, what most would consider normalcy. I do not have peace of mind for the future. I do not have an understanding of all the whys and hows of the very people that grew within me. I do not have the answers. These are some of my "have nots" but there are others too like, I don't have a terminally ill child, a child who struggles just to live. I don't have hopelessness or loneliness. I don't have to do it all by myself. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have control. I like to list the postive and the negative so that I get a sense of the balance that comes in life.
My "haves" would have to include my three great boys and my husband and best friend. I have a dog (not one that I have great affection toward, but he is ours). I have a warm home and a car that heats up quickly on cold mornings. I have a closet full of clothes and, at least, a couple of pairs of shoes. I have struggles with wondering if I am doing it right or wrong. I have a great support system. I have a relationship with my Savior. I have a son with autism. I have good notes and bad notes from teachers who genuinely care for my boys. I have answered prayers. I have joy. I have pain. I have doubt and I have grace.
I was reading in 1Corinthians 13 today, the love chapter. To be honest, the scriptures there usually make me feel convicted that I do not love like I should. They always seem to highlight my shortcomings and the struggle to love in spite of them. Today, though, a little line in the middle caught my attention. It was verse 7 and says, "LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. " I realized that at the top of my list of "haves", I have LOVE. I have the LOVE that is eternal. I have LOVE for the people that God has put in my life and I have LOVE from others who God has put in our lives. I have LOVE, I do LOVE, and I am LOVED. It is a LOVE that trusts in the "haves and the have nots". It is a LOVE that looks at every circumstance and doesn't give up. It is a LOVE that wakes up every day with a new joy and a fresh hope. It is a LOVE that loves through the struggles until peace is found.
The other day, Garrett's teacher had to write me about a difficult school day. She wrote the typical note about what went wrong and how they dealt with it, but then she added something. She said that she felt like all the positives comments were always followed with a negative. It was a comment that pulled at my heart strings because I realized, not for the first time, that she LOVES him. She had come to one of the hardest realities in caring for a child who has special needs, there are always struggles. The "haves and the have nots" exist in a harsh reality in life with an autistic child but, that is ok. She earned another spot on my "have" list because she lived 1Cor 13:7 with Garrett. She didn't give up, lose faith, become hopeless. She endured through this circumstance and countless others. We do not always "have" everything we want and there is always a reason to whine but, I will choose LOVE. I will embrace all my "haves and have nots"and live each day the best that I can. I will be grateful that I have been blessed with many "haves and have nots", including some truly LOVE-ing people to walk alongside me and my boys.
Recently, I have been using this discipline on myself. Call it seasonal, or lack of routine, or whatever you want, but my Garrett is having a difficult little stent lately. There have been several episodes that have caused me to cringe and cry and feel defeated but I can't live and love him from there, so I make myself be grateful. I call them the "haves and the have nots". In my head and my heart, I usually begin by acknowledging what I don't have. The "have nots" could include uninterrupted sleep, always appropriately behaved children, a predictable behavior pattern, consistency, what most would consider normalcy. I do not have peace of mind for the future. I do not have an understanding of all the whys and hows of the very people that grew within me. I do not have the answers. These are some of my "have nots" but there are others too like, I don't have a terminally ill child, a child who struggles just to live. I don't have hopelessness or loneliness. I don't have to do it all by myself. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have control. I like to list the postive and the negative so that I get a sense of the balance that comes in life.
My "haves" would have to include my three great boys and my husband and best friend. I have a dog (not one that I have great affection toward, but he is ours). I have a warm home and a car that heats up quickly on cold mornings. I have a closet full of clothes and, at least, a couple of pairs of shoes. I have struggles with wondering if I am doing it right or wrong. I have a great support system. I have a relationship with my Savior. I have a son with autism. I have good notes and bad notes from teachers who genuinely care for my boys. I have answered prayers. I have joy. I have pain. I have doubt and I have grace.
I was reading in 1Corinthians 13 today, the love chapter. To be honest, the scriptures there usually make me feel convicted that I do not love like I should. They always seem to highlight my shortcomings and the struggle to love in spite of them. Today, though, a little line in the middle caught my attention. It was verse 7 and says, "LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. " I realized that at the top of my list of "haves", I have LOVE. I have the LOVE that is eternal. I have LOVE for the people that God has put in my life and I have LOVE from others who God has put in our lives. I have LOVE, I do LOVE, and I am LOVED. It is a LOVE that trusts in the "haves and the have nots". It is a LOVE that looks at every circumstance and doesn't give up. It is a LOVE that wakes up every day with a new joy and a fresh hope. It is a LOVE that loves through the struggles until peace is found.
The other day, Garrett's teacher had to write me about a difficult school day. She wrote the typical note about what went wrong and how they dealt with it, but then she added something. She said that she felt like all the positives comments were always followed with a negative. It was a comment that pulled at my heart strings because I realized, not for the first time, that she LOVES him. She had come to one of the hardest realities in caring for a child who has special needs, there are always struggles. The "haves and the have nots" exist in a harsh reality in life with an autistic child but, that is ok. She earned another spot on my "have" list because she lived 1Cor 13:7 with Garrett. She didn't give up, lose faith, become hopeless. She endured through this circumstance and countless others. We do not always "have" everything we want and there is always a reason to whine but, I will choose LOVE. I will embrace all my "haves and have nots"and live each day the best that I can. I will be grateful that I have been blessed with many "haves and have nots", including some truly LOVE-ing people to walk alongside me and my boys.
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