Friday, November 14, 2014

An "almost" lie and labels

Garrett and his glasses.... I could write a book of blogs about Garrett's glasses and the craziness involved in adapting him to them but I will give you the condensed version. Walmart eye center replaces lenses, even if you have eaten them, and our Walmart eye center knows us by name and will likely get a Christmas card. It has been a struggle to say the very least but, lately, things were going well with them. Garrett was leaving his glasses on nicely at school and most of the evening. He had not chewed them lately nor had he fed them to the dog. We were feeling pretty good about the situation. I had noticed that there were several scratches on the lenses so I was considering taking them in and getting them replaced. Then one Sunday afternoon Garrett told me that he put his glasses under Parker's pillow. I was somewhat surprised by this because we usually keep them in the living room or dining room but I thanked him for telling me. I turn into a crazy mom when we lose the glasses so I was grateful just to know where to start looking for them. That evening I remembered the location of the glasses when I was setting out his school clothes for Monday so I retrieved them from under the pillow. I chuckled when I found them because they were broken, this time beyond even Walmart's repair. I told Ryan that I thought this was Garrett's first "almost" lie. I remembered when he had spoken to me earlier that he seemed a little weird. The next morning I asked G where his glasses were. This time the purposeful lack of eye contact and quick answer were telltale signs. He told me again that they were under Parker's pillow. I asked him if he put them there because he broke them and he gave me a half smile and said, "yep". G almost told a lie. Call me crazy but I was a little excited about this. In fact, when I told Ryan about it all, I may have even let a small "woot! woot!" slip out. Garrett doesn't lie. He is very concrete and logical. He can be sarcastic at times, which we are also proud of, but lying is not a milestone he has reached yet. That's right, lying is a developmental milestone. It is one we may not desire for our children unless your child might not ever get it, then you will work for it if you have to.

I was reflecting on this the other day as I considered a conversation that I had shared about the labels that we put on our kids. My Garrett has had many labels in his life. He has a severe speech delay. He was once labeled as having a developmental delay. He is autistic. He has special needs. Other labels, would include that he is awesome and funny and wild. He is strong willed and loud. He is a night owl. He is mine. When I think on these labels, I realize that some are easier to accept than others. After the meeting where they told me that G had a developmental delay, I cried. After the eval where they told us he was autistic, I wept. I will not pretend that I have always appreciated them. I also, though, have to say that I have learned to embrace them. As I think about who Garrett is, I use the labels to define him but not to limit him. There are moments when you would never guess that he had a severe speech delay and yet there are moments when he is stimming and he needs a little extra patience. The labels are not stop signs in his life but instead they help us map out how we can best help him. Without the speech delay label, we may have not have sought out aggressive speech therapy for G. Without knowing that Garrett had a developmental delay, we likely would have not placed him in Achievements where he received one-on-one help.  Without accepting the special needs label, Garrett would not have such great people working with him daily to help him succeed and enjoy a full life as a kindergartener. Without the autism label, I would not be excited about an "almost" lie. Without the labels, I think I would feel a little lost. They equip me to keep going and to never give up. Labels are what we allow them to be in our lives and for us they are a tool to assist us in raising Garrett. They help us give him the tools to keep growing and developing. They remind us that some victories may be harder but they will be worth the effort.

Lastly, let me share a funny little story. Garrett rides the bus home now and it would be safe to say that he has a small obsession with buses. He loves to look at their numbers and talks about them frequently. He gets very upset if he thinks he may not get to ride his bus. He is a bit of a bus lover. This being said, he has taken a special liking to what he calls bus 103. He says that he rides bus 103 to school and asks permission to almost daily. Finally, one day, in response to this question I told him that my van is bus 103. He gave me a little smile and agreed and continued with his daily bus 103 talk. Today, as a surprise for Garrett, I labeled my van. I bought sticker numbers of 1-0-3 and put them on the side of my van. When Garrett saw it, he was beyond thrilled. Was it a label? Yes. Was it appropriate and acceptable? Absolutely. Would I change them? Never.