Words That Connect

Sometimes it’s one word. Vocab. Haircut. Sometimes it’s a remind me to...study, pack gym clothes...Sometimes, my favorite ones, will be something they think is funny or a video or gif. I almost never get those but I like it or send a thumbs up and later ask for an explanation, if Ryan doesn’t understand it either. The texts from my boys, they are among my favorite things and make my gratitude list always.

I am now the mom of 2 teenage boys. They eat, talk loudly, play video games, argue over the remotes. They waller, they stink, they eat, and they talk!! Maybe that makes them odd but my boys talk non stop! The thing is, they rarely make sense or discuss anything of interest to me. For example, I love books but last week one of my boys was telling me the storyline of a book they were reading and I actually had to interrupt because I was completely lost and slightly alarmed. His was not a book of romance, happy endings, or good winning over evil. It was not my kind of read! An hour or so later though, I got another text. It wasn’t deep or meaningful but it was from him. I pulled myself up out of my cozy spot and went in search of my boy. I sat beside him and told him to tell me again about his book and apologized about rejecting it earlier. Why? Because I want him to talk to me. I want them to share their books, their stories, their jokes, their struggles, their lives with me. These people, who have for so long needed me and required me for living life, now don’t as much, but I need them! I feel the inevitable push and pull of parenting boys becoming men. The growing pains come in moments of arguing or sarcasm or misunderstanding and I don’t want to lose my place.

This stage of mom-life reminds me so very much of my faith walk. I have had seasons where I was dependent on my Savior for my next breaths and each step of the day. I had to hold on tight just to make it. There have been dark days where He was my only light and it was easy to lean in because I couldn’t stand alone. There have also been seasons where I’ve thought I was all grown up. Those times when I think I know the way and I can do it on my own. I’ve sent up quick short prayers and a thanks on a whim and felt like I was all grown up only to later learn how very wrong I was. I have often been reminded how much I need to be connected to the true Vine. Our lives, both physically and spiritually, are lived in relationship and relationships require some form of communication. I want and need my boys to share life with me. I want to know them, what makes them smile and laugh, what makes them struggle and maybe even cry. I want to help. I want to hear. I want to be there. And all of that reminds me that my Heavenly Father wants the same with me. He wants in on my days of joy and my tears of sorrow. He wants me to come to him and unload the mess of me and trust that he will listen and that he is my constant help in times of trouble. He wants my thanks and he wants to nurture and guide me. I can’t text heaven gates or FaceTime my Savior, but I have his Word and I feel his Spirit inside me. I am certain of his presence in every moment that I seek it and I rest assured that he is standing at the door and waiting to come in. It’s funny to me that the times that I feel most lost or lonely or discouraged are when I am not connected to my lifesource. I have recognized but, need to remember more, that when I am empty He alone can fill and fulfill me. There are so many ways for me to do that. I listen to music. I love reading and writing. There are quiet times, devotionals, coffees and convos with my sweet sisters in Christ, all draw me to closer to the Light and help heal and hold me. It’s about connecting purposefully and repeatedly, regardless of feelings and momentary circumstances.

I love my boys. They aren’t perfect but they are mine. I don’t always get them and I certainly have mom moments of frustration and angst, but when they talk, I try real hard to listen. When they text, I thumbs up and heart it. I respond, reply and take notice. I want them to be sure that I will always be here and, more importantly, that there is one far greater who has always been and will always be. My Jesus and my boys have my heart and they also have my ear. One word, a like, I’ll take whatever I can get and savor the connection because that is what relationships and real life are based on, communication and connection.