As I struggled to quiet my racing thoughts, I realized what the real issue was. I was praying in that moment and reaching out to my Father but, in the last week I had fallen very short. We visited back home and worked and played hard this week and I didn’t even pack my Bible and my quiet times were short to non-existent. I was a withering fruit, in desperate need of my most nourishing source. We all do this sometimes. We get busy distracted overwhelmed. Isn’t it funny that sometimes we prioritize other things over what we need most. We had been home for a couple days and I had squeezed in a run and even shopped a little. I had also managed some chores around the house. What I hadn’t been able to get done was what I needed most. No quiet time, no devotional or authentic prayer time. My gratitude list was at the same place as I left it a week ago.
My first step was repenting, just acknowledging my need and my neglect and vowing to get back where I needed to be. My second step was giving it back, giving back the worry and anxiety and never ending list of to-dos. Lastly, I thanked God for all the good we have seen, specifically in our new home. The blessings, the laughter, the kindness and joy that we’ve experienced and then, back alongside my Savior, I trusted. I let my fears and concerns find hope, confident hope, where all my real, eternal hope comes from. I’m not in charge because He already knows and He’s got it under control. Then, finally, I slept.
When I woke up this morning, the devil immediately hit me with some what if’s and a list of my lack but I was ready. Before my eyes could adjust, I welcomed Jesus into this day. I climbed out of bed with prayer and praise and ready to be led. I wrote the teacher a quick message. I perked some coffee, hugged my hubs, and told my kids, I’d be upstairs for a bit. Time to nourish my thirsty soul and be filled so that I have something to be emptied of.
Life will never not take from us, I think for me it’s about having something of value to give away. In my own self, I will work hard and love hard and play hard but, I will always always fall short and end up empty and sore. When I do life with Jesus though, when I take time to let Him take the heavy and replace it with His fruits of peace and kindness, when I let Him direct not just my actions but also my thoughts, that’s when I can live and love and work abundantly. Hands wide open is my reminder to receive all that God has for me, the blessings of joy, pain, the struggles and the victories, but also to not hold tightly to that which is His. I need reminded to give Him my worries, my fears, my days. Hands open to the one who will only place that which He determines I should have into my ready palms. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my gratitude list has a few things that need to be added to it.
Psalm 27:8 My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming."
