Shame-less

Shame is defined in Webster as the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something improper done by oneself. It is the pit of your stomach yuck that you get when you have messed up or said the wrong thing or did what you said you would never do. Now that we know what it is, let's talk about how it feels. It is a heavy cloak. It is hard to take off. I imagine it a shade of black or maybe crimson red. It becomes you and refuses to relinquish control. It is one size fits all, but unique for each us. I know this shame well because I wear it often, and have been feeling its heavy hand on me recently. It seems that all I do is mess up, drop the ball, miss an opportunity. Shame is uncomfortable and so very difficult to get rid of for me. I pray and I apologize. I accept forgiveness, and then I pick my shame right back up and head out of the throne room with it anyway. It could be my loose, gossipy tongue, or maybe my horrible self image and the resulting behaviors, or my frequent overflowing frustrations. All, in retrospect, heap on more shame and regret, and I can't seem to shake them.

Let me give you a real life example of where my shame comes from. I have a good friend. She is one of those people who everyone who knows her would call her a good friend. She helps. She laughs. She encourages. She listens. And since she listens so well, I tend to talk to her. Recently, when I felt defensive and offended from another, I knew I could trust her to accept my venting. She did and she never judged or condemned, but, days later, I was still feeling the guilt. You see, my friend is not just my friend, she is my sister in Christ and I didn't just vent, I gossiped and judged and sinned all over the place. How to go back? Just not possible. How to move on? Still not sure. Shame was heavy and holding on tight.

Friends, this one has taken some effort. Lots of praying it out and thinking it through. Wondering how and why God put this on my heart but I think I am on to something now, and I think I meant to share it with you. The other day I heard Romans 5:1-5. Let's walk through it together and see where it leads us.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

What do you hear in those words? Do they speak condemnation or freedom? They surely don't bring me shame. What I hear there is God telling me that I am already justified, not by my behavior, but by my faith in Him. With that comes peace, and I can stand in the grace of my Savior. We don't need grace unless we aren't perfect so it is almost like He expects me to stumble sometimes. As we stand in grace, we can feel proud of the hope that God gives us, for His glory. And not just that, but we can boast in our struggles. Why? Because our shortcomings and battles will develop perseverance and character and, finally, hope. Hope will not put us to shame either because of Christ's love in us. Christ's love, not my perfection, but his perfect love. I can exchange my shame for hope in that which covers all my sin. Isn't that awesome?

Shame has no place in my life. Not because I won't fail. Trust me I will. Not because I work hard or pray more or fast or anything. It has no place because I know who I believe in and I trust in His love. I trust that I can shine His light even in my struggles and shortcomings because I am standing in grace and filled with His love. I don't have to carry the heavy load of shame and guilt. I can be forgiven and live free because there is hope. I can live shame-less. Did you just feel the weight lift? I did.