The "Haves and the Have Nots"

If you live at my house and I catch you whining too much, you can expect a consequence. I won't send you to time out or anything like that though. I will ask you to list of some things that you are grateful for. If you hesitate, I add more. I will also employ this method if you are fighting with your brother, the only difference being that you will have to list things that you love about your sibling. It may seem like a strange way to teach a child not to whine but, really, gratitude and attitude are closely related. If you have one, the other will improve.

 Recently, I have been using this discipline on myself. Call it seasonal, or lack of routine, or whatever you want, but my Garrett is having a difficult little stent lately. There have been several episodes that have caused me to cringe and cry and feel defeated but I can't live and love him from there, so I make myself be grateful. I call them the "haves and the have nots".  In my head and my heart, I usually begin by acknowledging what I don't have. The "have nots" could include uninterrupted sleep,  always appropriately behaved children, a predictable behavior pattern, consistency, what most would consider normalcy. I do not have peace of mind for the future. I do not have an understanding of all the whys and hows of the very people that grew within me. I do not have the answers. These are some of my "have nots" but there are others too like, I don't have a terminally ill child, a child who struggles just to live. I don't have hopelessness or loneliness. I don't have to do it all by myself. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have control. I like to list the postive and the negative so that I get a sense of the balance that comes in life.

My "haves" would have to include my three great boys and my husband and best friend. I have a dog (not one that I have great affection toward, but he is ours). I have a warm home and a car that heats up quickly on cold mornings. I have a closet full of clothes and, at least, a couple of pairs of shoes. I have struggles with wondering if I am doing it right or wrong. I have a great support system. I have a relationship with my Savior. I have a son with autism. I have good notes and bad notes from teachers who genuinely care for my boys. I have answered prayers. I have joy. I have pain. I have doubt and I have grace.

I was reading in 1Corinthians 13 today, the love chapter. To be honest, the scriptures there usually make me feel convicted that I do not love like I should. They always seem to highlight my shortcomings and the struggle to love in spite of them. Today, though, a little line in the middle caught my attention. It was verse 7 and says, "LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. " I realized that at the top of my list of "haves",  I have LOVE. I have the LOVE that is eternal.  I have LOVE for the people that God has put in my life and I have LOVE from others who God has put in our lives. I have LOVE, I do LOVE, and I am LOVED. It is a LOVE that trusts in the "haves and the have nots". It is a LOVE that looks at every circumstance and doesn't give up. It is a LOVE that wakes up every day with a new joy and a fresh hope. It is a LOVE that loves through the struggles until peace is found.

The other day, Garrett's teacher had to write me about a difficult school day. She wrote the typical note about what went wrong and how they dealt with it, but then she added something. She said that she felt like all the positives comments were always followed with a negative. It was a comment that pulled at my heart strings because I realized, not for the first time, that she LOVES him. She had come to one of the hardest realities in caring for a child who has special needs, there are always struggles. The "haves and the have nots" exist in a harsh reality in life with an autistic child but, that is ok. She earned another spot on my "have" list because she lived 1Cor 13:7 with Garrett. She didn't give up, lose faith, become hopeless. She endured through this circumstance and countless others. We do not always "have" everything we want and there is always a reason to whine but, I will choose LOVE. I will embrace all my "haves and have nots"and live each day the best that I can. I will be grateful that I have been blessed with many "haves and have nots", including some truly LOVE-ing people to walk alongside me and my boys.