Trust and Obey

My family laughed out loud at my lent idea! Literally, they all laughed, a couple smirked, and one, who I won’t name, fell out of his seat. To be fair, he got on his knees because that's what I’m doing for lent. I’m committing to a literal, physical posture of prayer. I wrestled with it for a couple days, wondering why and if I was just a bit off, but I’m certain it’s what God wants from me.  This is why I’m going to humble myself daily through this lenten season and seek God. 

I was thinking this through this morning during my quiet time when I came across one of my favorite little sections in Numbers. At the end of Numbers 9 there is a section in my Bible titled “The Fiery Cloud”.  It explains how the presence of the Lord was in a cloud that covered the tabernacle during the day. This cloud turned to a pillar of fire at night and it was the Israelites witness to God's presence in their life. There is so much goodness in this for me! First off, a cloud! I am a sunshine, vitamin D kinda girl! I love blue skies and the warm sunlight in my windows and on my face. I keep my shades open all the time and think of myself as a sun chaser on my winter walks, so this cloud thing grabs me. Clouds bring to my mind overcast or blurry images. The other sign of God's presence was fire.  Now, fire makes me think of haze and fog, fear and unknown.  What I think is that God wants us to look to him and trust, even when it’s not perfectly clear. You see, the other part of this is that when that cloud moved or that pillar of fire lifted, camp broke and they moved! How amazing is that? God’s physical presence moving before an entire nation, in direct instruction! We think that would make it easier but would it really? I mean, they had to trust blindly. I can follow a sunny trial but give me clouds or shadows and I’m more hesitant. These people had to literally pack up and move when the cloud moved. They were clueless as to where or how or what it would look like, they just followed. It’s so crazy to my mind! 

Isn't trust what it always comes back to? I was reading in my devotional and it said, “Trust is not worried or anxious, because it has entered into God's rest. Trust is not confused because it has no need to lean on its own understanding. Trust does not give up or panic. Trust believes that God is good and that He works all things out for our good”. Even when we can’t see ahead because the cloud is blocking or when there is fire ahead and we're filled with fear, if God calls us, we need to go. Whether we know the road or the destination, when we are afraid and unsure, we are called to move, to trust and obey. Sometimes trust involves getting on our knees, getting uncomfortable and seeking God from a more humble and submissive place. I know for me, I want to know, like really know, that things are going to be ok and go the way I want them to. The reality in my life has been that I could never have imagined the things God has had in store. My own plans wouldn’t have led me anywhere close to where my faith has taken me. I’m so glad that God hasn’t let me see too far ahead or I might have struggled to trust in the cloudy seasons. Rarely would I have chosen the fire, but it’s where my greatest refinement has happened and will continue to happen. In this phase of life where my boys are starting to make grown up plans and face so many hard choices, I believe the same for their lives. God's plans may not always look or feel clear but they are sure to always be good and worthy.

At the end of it all, I’m grateful for God's leading and presence in life. My desire is to be faithful, to trust and obey. I may not be able to see him with my eyes as a cloud or pillar of fire but, I can feel him and I can have peace in that. I pray that my life’s testimony sounds like the last verse in numbers 9:23-"so they camped or traveled at the Lord's command, and they did whatever the Lord told them.” 

Also…it was Parker. He’s the one mocking child from the first paragraph…